Breast Milk

Here’s a little story I MUST share with you. It took place back when Lily was just a new born and I only WISH I had it on video.

“You dare me to drink this bottle of breast milk.” Asked my father-in-law as he raised the 4-ounce baby bottle in front of the whole family. Everyone looked disgusted as he opened the bottle preparing to drink. He thought he was playing a joke on everyone.  Little did he know the joke was on HIM.

We were all over for a nice Sunday meal, which my benevolent good mother-in-law puts together for us from time to time. Earlier that night, Tony, Sean and I had planned it. We filled a baby bottle with soymilk so that Tony could pretend as though he was going to drink my breast milk.

Sean and I secretly made a whole new plan of our own. We switched out the bottle of soymilk with a fresh bottle of breast milk, which I had so generously prepared earlier that day. We let the whole family in on the joke, without Tony’s knowledge of course.

As Tony slowly lifted the bottle to his mouth, we all looked at him in awe. Was he REALLY going to drink it?
Tony thought he was about to drink soy milk, but we all knew what was really in that bottle. We stood by trying hard not to show what we all knew. I glanced over at Sean, amazed at how he kept the joke going. He was always much better than me at keeping a straight face.

Tony pounded that 4-ounce bottle like it was a cold glass of water on a hot summer day. Everyone was in complete shock. Then they burst into laughter, which quickly turned to disgust. Sean and I could not believe we pulled it off. We laughed so hard we were crying.

Seconds after Tony guzzled the breast milk he suddenly realized what had just happened. His face turned white, his eyes began to water…

Then it happened.

The milk came right back up. He looked like a fire hydrant bursting. The milk sprayed in all different directions, gushing from his nose and mouth.

Once he had successfully spit up (because that’s what you call it when it’s breast milk) all traces of the milk, he stood over the kitchen sink, dry heaving as everyone in the room laughed hysterically.
Without saying a word, Tony cleaned himself up, walked over to the table and sat down.

I walked over, put my hand on his shoulder, looked him straight in the eye and said…

“I feel like we’ve just bonded.”